"You know that thing that you love? With the pageantry. And
the fireworks. And the golden belts.
It's fake. And I am suppose to be like "Oh no you have ripped my
world asunder." -Ron Funches, comedian
Whenever someone asks me "why do you watch professional
wrestling?" My answer is always the same: the pageantry. Don't get me
wrong I can go on and on about work rates, high spots, and gimmick matches but
the thing I have always enjoyed most about professional wrestling is the
showmanship and visual aids that make normal men and women larger than life.
Masks, capes, face paint, spiked shoulder pads, robes covered in feathers, dog
collars, pyro, lasers, and more are the things I love. This article breaks down
my Top 10 favorite wrestlers who have brought the gift of pageantry to us all
over the years.
Honorable mention
Jeff Hardy - while I am not a fan of his music or art skills I do
have to give Jeff Hardy props for constantly adding new visual elements to his
appearance especially in TNA. While his ring gear of an Under Armor shirt and
Kik Wear pants (seriously did the Hardys buy Gadzook's entire back stock when
they went out of business?) has stayed the same for years, he is always finding
new and creative ways to paint his face before every match. I especially enjoy
his paint jobs where he has additional eyes on his cheeks and forehead. It's
kind of like if Sting was really into Nu Metal, psychedelics, and
finger-paints.
Glacier - now here is a story of a man who was in the wrong place
at the wrong time. Glacier's battle gear, contact lenses, and spectacular light
show that turned any arena into an indoor blizzard at night would have put him
at the top of the card in the early 90s but unfortunately he debuted right
before the NWO changed the business with athletes who were more real then
cartoon. Glacier you might not have ever been WCW champion but you'll always
make my blood run cold when I see your entrance on the Network.
Dalton Castle - it's not easy coming up with a colorful character
for the indies especially when it involves bringing in other people as an intricate
part of it but that is what Dalton has done. I’ve been impressed by how he has
been able to use this entrance in ROH, PWG, Chikara, and smaller federations. I
don't want to live in a world where "The Boys" are not coming to the
ring with pro wrestling' proudest peacock.
Finn Balor - the avid Lego fanatic brought his nerdy cosplay side
out before leaving NJPW and the indies for NXT and we all know what happened
after that. The Demon has been one of the brightest additions to the E in over
a decade and his elaborate body paint and memorizing entrance are a big reason
for his success. I really appreciate how lost Balor becomes in the character
for the NXT Takeover events.
10. Ric Flair - Woooooo! Kicking off the list is the Nature Boy.
Slick Ric has always dressed to the nines with custom suits, designer
sunglasses, and more alligators on for feet then a reptile park in Florida.
Most importantly though he has always made sure that he looks like a superstar
when he comes to the ring draped in the finest robes money can buy. Fur,
feathers, and sparkling jewels let you know that he truly is the man.
9. Auska - my favorite NXT wrestler has stood out from the rest
of the women from the moment she stepped into Full Sail. Her hair, make up, and
ring gear are unique but what brings her on to this list are her entrance robes
and masks. I love the way she changes her intro costumes up for big Takeover
events to make them feel extra special. When she challenged and beat Bayley for
the NXT Women's title I marked the fuck out when she came to the ring in a mask
that was crying tears of toxic green blood. And then she stepped up the game
even more in Brooklyn this summer with a new mask, robe, and long sheet
entrance that went from the stage to the ring. All of this aids in creating her
mystique of being a walking death machine that doesn't deal in scripted promos
but instead head kicks that send motherfuckers' skulls 7 rows deep.
8. Rick Rude - right now I am going to need all of you fat, out
of shape Knife Edge Chop sweat hogs to shut up and read about a real man. Rick
Rude soaked more panties in the 80s then Splash Mountain with his chiseled abs
and Magnum PI mustache. But what got him on this list is his incredible tights
which he would have airbrushed to make fun of whichever babyface he was feuding
with. It's one thing to try and steal a man's wife, but it's a whole other
thing to have an artist paint her face on the crotch of your pants and then
grind your dick in front of him. God bless you Rick Rude, you will forever be a
greasy asshole of a heel.
7. Big Van Vader - when people ask me who is your favorite
wrestler of all time I always respond with late 80s/early 90s Vader. God, I love
watching him destroy people with the original Violence Party in the corner and
his ability to moonsault his nearly 400 pound frame through the air but that
isn't what got him on this list. Vader's mastodon mask/shoulder pad combo looks
like something from a Neurosis album cover. Plus the story of the Vader gimmick
being a warrior who travels by boat to an empty island to fight the toughest
man from another village to the death so they can avoid all out war to settle a
conflict is metal as fuck. And of course the cherry on top is when that thing
spews smoke into the air like bong rips.
6. Shawn Michaels - the former Playgirl centerfold turned Born
Again Ted Nugent Lite has always had a flair for outlandish outfits. I mean
where do you even buy red leather chaps with mirrors in them? For decades the
Heartbreak Kid has known how to stand out from the pack and his trademark look
makes him instantly identifiable and memorable. HBK always goes all out for his
big matches with his Wrestlemania zip line entrance or his all white Anti
Taker, Shawn knows how to throw in those little extra touches to make his spot
on the card become memorable forever.
5. Sting - back in the 80s Sting looked like a number of other
250lbs juiced up monsters outside of the ring so he had to do something to
separate himself from the herd. "Surfer" Sting's neon face paint and
day glo drum major jackets made him stand out from his ripped brethren. He
would even go the extra mile and bust out Patriotic Sting for the Great
American Bash, which in the 80s was pure gold. Later in his career we saw him
reinvent himself as Crow Sting (awesome) and Joker Sting (meh) but neither
compare to his character during his late 80s/early 90s run in WCW.
4. Rey Mysterio - Rey Rey has always combined the best parts of lucha
libre together: high flying and colorful gear. Even during his WCW run he stood
out on PPVs by donning super hero inspired ring gear such as his famous
Spiderman mask/pants combo. When he came to the WWE it became an exciting thing
to speculate which new super tights he would have for Wrestlemania such as the
Flash, Captain America, and the Joker. Plus his Aztec costume was an unexpected
piece of art that brought something new and special to the biggest night of the
year. And even now in his post WWE run he continues to dress up on special
outfits such as the Terminator for an AAA pay-per-view.
3. Mil Mascaras - the lucha legend is known for many things such
as being a notorious sand bagger thanks to Mick Foley but he is better known
for his ring wear. "The Man of a 1,000 masks" always had a new hood
to wear to the ring with his signature M in the middle of the forehead. Name a
pattern or color Mascaras has one. He is like the biggest sneaker head of lucha
masks on the planet. Side note how is there not a reality show of dudes who
collect lucha masks? I’d watch that show. The thing I like best about Mil
Mascaras matches is seeing what mask he is going to wear that night.
2. The Undertaker - Druids. Coffins. Mist. Zombies. Funeral
Pyres. There has never been a WWE wrestler with a better entrance then the
Undertaker. Even when he was the Bikertaker he would still show up with a
different custom motorcycle for each time he arrived on TV. He is also known
for his elaborate trench coats which look like at least 2 cows had be killed to
just make one of them. Western Taker was a cool variant that worked perfectly
for the Texan from Parts Unknown. When he retires and thus his entrance retires
with him it will be like when a great band retires and you are sad that you
will never get to see them play live again.
1.The Great Muta - when it comes to pageantry no one can touch
the Great Muta. His face paint is terrifying. He has come to the ring in a
variety of masks. He has worn a ring jacket with a fucking 3D dragon that rides
on his shoulders. And of course he is known for blowing a wide variety of
deadly mist to blind his opponents. Muta has been able to turn himself into
something that isn’t human but at the same is very real. Hands down no one can
touch Muta when it comes to making every entrance and match something special.
Anthony "Tank" Mansfield is a Cincinnati artist and avid wrestling fan. A longtime friend of the Knife Edge Chop show, Tank has been on our panel shows for both Summer Slam & Wrestlemania. You can check out his art in all of these lovely avenues of social media.
@tankofalltrades (Twitter)
anthonytankmansfield (Instagram)
